Mommy networks are the new-age support group

Mommy networks are the new-age support group

Sharmila Ganesan Ram | TNN | May 13, 2018, 01:10 IST

 

Young mothers are turning to online communities for advice on everything from post-natal sex to child sex abuse
Kids, listen up. Once upon a time, on the other side of a Bollywood screen, there lived a mommy influencer called Nirupa Roy. Clad in plain cotton sarees, empowered by a lack of makeup and haloed by poverty, she taught a generation of women to raise tall sons on a diet of carrot halwa, suffer their misdeeds through quiet tears and attribute their mediocre achievements to a nameless god. Hashtag Simpler times.

 

Today, Bollywood stars basking in the glow of post-natal social media fame have reconfigured the mommy influencer. Empowered by sponsored makeup and haloed by easily shed baby bumps, she runs marathons in designer gym wear, celebrates quality time with hashtags, feeds her son beetroot cupcakes, and discusses things that Ruchita Dar Shah’s seasoned eyes can only see as “First World Problems.”
As founder of First Moms Club (FMC) — a multi-platform community followed by more than 1,00,000 Indian mothers across 100 countries — 41-year-old Ruchita Dar Shah from Mumbai has held a front-row seat to the guileless, often-unglamorous pantomime of millennial motherhood. In 2010, after she had her second child and Facebook introduced its group feature, Shah formed FMC which collected a tribe of anxious new mothers groping for non-judgmental reassurances on “real” issues such as breastfeeding, depression, superstitions, stretch marks, solid foods, developmental problems, and even non-existent sex lives. Over time, their questions evolved from ‘Should I give Maggi to my kid?’ to ‘Can I get some tips on masturbation?’

FMC, now a commercial site, has been followed by many large mommy networks itching to give urban women in nuclear families an unbiased support group. Besides genuine concerns, maternal fogginess on these forums spans from the cute (‘Should I buy these shoes for my kid?’) to the desperate (‘Will tying a cloth around my stomach help reduce my tummy size?’). This is why Ritu Gorai proclaims: “I am now a double Ph.D. in women’s issues and WhatsApp management.” The former corporate trainer runs JAMM’s (Journey About Mast Moms) Network, an online community of 40,000 mothers in Mumbai.
Mumbai’s Daisy Edibam — a mother to twin daughters — started her own Facebook group with fellow moderators three years ago. Mommies Random Chatter has over 13,000 mums who now describe their week in alliterations: Makeover Mondays (meant for pampering self), Tasty Tuesdays (for swapping recipes) and Wedded Bliss Wednesdays during which Edibam — who has a supportive husband — asks women to appreciate the things their better half does. Besides the standard “no questions on medicine”, the group has another unwritten rule: It does not laugh at jokes on women.
Understandably, mommy groups are not all fun and jokes. Divided into WhatsApp groups such as ‘Ready to mingle’ (for single moms) and ‘JAMM’s Pearls’ (for moms of kids with special needs), JAMM’s members have not only attended offline activities such as child sex abuse awareness workshops and fashion walks but also confided in Gorai about their battles with domestic violence and divorce.
Shah is often shocked by some of the stories on FMC. If some confessed to living through abusive marriages, others even vented post-partum suicidal thoughts anonymously. Once, in a section called ‘Secret diary of an Indian mom’, a mother whose husband was sexually abusing her twin daughters sought help and was referred to an NGO.
Given that no one receives as much unsolicited advice as a new mother, myth-busting becomes a big part of the network admins’ role. From ‘Should I apply oil in the ears and nose of the baby?’ to ‘Should I apply Vicks or eucalyptus oil on the baby?’, Prachi Shah of Mumbai Sling Library (MSL) has heard it all. The network promotes babywearing and bonds through its Facebook and WhatsApp groups.
“Everyone from the maalishwalis to neighboring aunties could break a new mother’s already fragile morale with comments like ‘The baby is looking lanky’,” says Prachi. She’s also noticed that fights with the mothers-in-law typically escalate post-delivery over bristly issues such as the timing of the baby’s ear piercings or sweets fed during mundane. Prachi, otherwise a firebrand, has learned to be a sensitive listener. “OMG is not encouraged,” says Yaman Banerji, one of the seven admins of MSL, who dials down exclamatory reactions to questions about, say, breast milk or formula. However, suggestive reactions to Milind Soman during the various Pinkathons that these baby-wearing mommies take part in, are allowed.

 

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-times/mommy-networks-are-the-new-age-support-group/articleshow/64140282.cms